Ever have those moments when a song just speaks to you?
I often find myself falling in love with rhythms not words. For me music taps into the deepest part of my core, almost on a primal level where the music moves me.
When I say move, I don’t mean in a tear jerking, pining teenage, Dawson’s Creek kind of way. I mean literally moves my bones.
It takes a deep hold and my body just wants to become one with it. For that reason I am attracted to rhythms.
Music takes an even more consuming hold on me when the right rhythm is combined with dirty base and even shadier melodies. The darker the track the more connected I feel to it. It’s as if it speaks directly to the darker parts of me, like a special invite for them to rise to the surface and momentarily stare down every other side of me.
Intense …but my god is it a freeing feeling.
My intention at the moment is to accept and hold all parts of me. To embrace the dark parts, the strife and the imperfections with the same amount of grace and gratefulness as I do the light. In art, life and others, it is often the cracks and gritty realness that I love and relate most to, so why is it so hard to love these parts of myself? Why must I always feel the need to cover these up and grasp so much for something else?
Right now, I’m working on allowing myself to be in these moments, but to move through them and let that $hit go!
I keep reading about Buddhism and mindfulness lately (it’s one of my aversion technique to avoid actually doing something). The more I read the more I think that what I really need in my life right now is to sit, be still and just accept what is. But the truth is, that feeling is not always going to be one full of sunshine and rainbows and unicorns and that is scary. It will be dark and it may hurt.
This got me thinking about Aparigraha (or “non-grasping” as it’s known to those not fluent in Sanskrit) which is part of what you might call the yoga code of conduct. One thing I grasp for a lot is this idea of trying to being relaxed with everything, not stressing about what I can’t change… my interpretation of ZEN!
But here’s the truth. I’m often not in a Zen place (this is why I practice yoga) and the lovely meditative plinky plonky music associated with being well Zen often doesn’t speak to me. In fact, in my own home practice, it not only pisses me off, it can feel like torture! This is why my personal yoga playlists are somewhat unconventional.
Today though, I did manage to feel a little bit Zen, just for a moment. But I didn’t find that feeling by floating in lotus wearing a white dress and listening to whale music.
In the true spirit of being present, I found a little moment of Zen by simply accepting that today I’m black baggy sweat pants, feeling a little angry on a grim Monday with an achy back that doesn’t even allow me to cross my legs let alone bend up like pretzel. Today I felt a little moment of Zen by simply accepting that is who I am… and what!
And with that I got drawn fully into a song that spoke to me in rhythm, melody, base and spoken word. So thank you Roots Manuva and The Cinematic Orchestra for helping me find my Zen thing.
Turns out, the honey isn’t on the moon so stop reaching.
It’s right here.
It’s right now.
…looking like the most un-yogic, broken back, grumpy ass mess out there. But my god accepting that feels good.